The Spider Cliff Mysteries

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Wrought iron dreams

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Wrought iron dreams

Posted by Radek, 5:14am, 18 Mar, 2011

This was supposed to be easy - a light jaunt through the streets at a time in the morning no sane person would possibly be awake, getting rid of rampaging science in a bid for coin, and perhaps some sort of bizarre publicity for Alice's shop. Well, there is something strangely compelling about a girl who can wield a rocket-launcher like that...

Of course, things hadn't gone quite as planned. From his heroic facefault into the relative softness of freshly-dried cement, Radek had made his way through the streets, looking anxiously for any sign of the missing constructs; actually, he'd mostly stayed behind Alice, nursing a slightly broken nose and trying to get his vision clear, but there was no need to elaborate.

Then *they* had been there at an hour a mile speed, seeming terrifying and sad and rather hilarious all at once, their makeshift machinery jangling as rockets were fire, cannons went off, and a bizarrely piquant recording of some old-timey tune played from a gramophone attachment. A feline had leapt in his trousers, Alice had somehow managed to knock it away with her launcher as if it were a club, and her head had hit his.

Having a very hard head, this hadn't particularly bothered Radek; but he felt he should apologize as well, and began to forget where they were and what they were doing as the night grew thick around them - thick with the scent of burning rubber and molten metal. And that particularly nostalgic tune kept on getting closer...

Ah. Yes.

Grinning wide enough to cut the sky with his teeth, Radek leapt in front of Alice, fists raised towards the creature as if he could challenge it to a boxing match. The construct - which was still trying to figure out why the definitively mad scientist had built it with a weapons-grade launcher, but no means of sight and a faulty sonar system - whirred a challenge.

"Sorry, but no one takes a step towards Ms. Von Brandt while i'm on the clock, man or machine. Looks like it's the end of the line, for you... The assembly line, that is." Not quite sure if that meets Alice's stern requirements, the gunman hesitates for a moment- before gleefully frying the machine with fire from the rather handy gauntlets. As it's machinery turns into a steaming husk, he eyes around for other machines, using the fire to warm his hands. It's chilly out, after all.

This message was last edited on 18 Mar 2011.

Posted by Alice belladora, 4:01pm, 20 Mar, 2011

Far above the two lone figures waiting in silence, the wind whistles and, being of course wind, does nothing much else. Another figure is watching them, his long white lab coat flapping around him, the small amount of hair he has following suit. Though perhaps "white" is the wrong word, as the coat is stained with the fluids of many an experiment gone wrong, and so covered in dark burn marks as to resemble a giant dalmatian.
It is still, however, a coat, and the person wearing it is still a formidable scientist, albeit a somewhat mentally unhinged one.

...He waits, the steely grey sky reflected in his small round spectacles, a crooked grin plastered across his face, reminiscent of a crack in the pavement.
Slowly, he reaches inside one of his many pockets, pulling out a most unusual device with a small giggle. It is of the usual mad scientist variety, covered in brightly coloured flashing lights and emitting a noise that to any reasonably sane person would become tiresome within about three and a half seconds.
It also has a large, red button that just screams "Press me. Go on, you KNOW you want to."

He presses it.

...Nothing happens. Several moments pass. Nothing continues to happen. Then, after what might have been an eternity but was probably only a few minutes, there is a loud bang and the device explodes, causing the scientist to shriek loudly and drop it off the side of the building.
Down below, Alice is in the midst of explaining the proper use of puns to the gunman, leaning on her rocket launcher and looking very serious.
She doesn't get too far, however, before she is hit on the head by the dropped device, which has apparently caught fire in the few brief moments in which it was airborne.
It bounces off her cranium and into a puddle with a hiss and a large amount of smoke, though this is drowned out by her words, which are not of the printable variety, although very sincere.

After she has finished her expressions of dismay and extreme annoyance, Alice approaches the still-smoking device, and swiftly picks it up, vengeance on her mind.
...And then just as swiftly drops it, as it is still rather hot from its brief moment of combustion.
It lies there on the ground, its large red button gleaming enticingly, somehow undamaged.
Alice is just about to say something, but her words are lost as she is shoved to the side by a highly animated scientist, who, upon seeing the (mostly) blackened device, lets out a loud wail and collapses to his knees.
Whilst he is busy pounding the ground with both fists and sobbing noisily, a medium sized pile of scrap metal stirs in the corner...

This message was last edited on 20 Mar 2011.

Posted by Radek, 12:56pm, 24 Mar, 2011

"Wow, Alice. Those were some fairly incredible puns, all right!" Grinning cheekily as Alice throws out a barrage of painfully unprintable puns as punishment, Radek doesn't seem to notice anything wrong at first - the expression practically melts off of his face as he notices the strange device - and Alice's pain on grabbing it. He rushes over to make sure that she's all right, but even just knowing that it's from heat, Radek instinctively files the device under 'ominous buttoned danger.'

Not that it matters, because while he's looking for gauze or some ice, and a long stick to press the button with (multiple times - for safety and exploration, of course!) - a certain scientistish figure has very rudely pushed Alice to the side, and is caterwauling about his device being 'Ruuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiined' in a matter even more disruptive than the automatons currently besieging the town. And that's saying something, given the amount of high explosives being detonated.

Failing to notice the whirring of scrap metal pulling itself together into the corner, Radek scratches his head thoughtfully. "Well, uh, hello there, gentleperson. Where I come from, we apologize for pushing past a lady, especially when she is giving a very serious lecture on puns!" Radek tries his best to moralize, but the scientist is having none of it, tears of experimental anguish rolling down his cheeks as he raises his fists like lightningrods to the heavens above!

"Nothing? Not a name, and a brief apology? If it makes you feel better, it does burn - that device, i mean. You've invented a guaranteed method of burning people. Congratulations!" Still no response. Sighing, Radek turns to give Alice a look that says 'well, i tried-' and comes face to face with the scraps in the corner - scraps which are readily assembling themselves into a golem... One which is not content at this form, and begins to rapidly disassemble anything nearby and add that mass to it's own; within seconds it has managed to double it's size.

Radek opens and closes his mouth several times, and then just shrugs his shoulders. "Ah, Alice? i think we're going to need more firepower..."
This message was last edited on 24 Mar 2011.

Posted by Alice belladora, 5:47pm, 25 Mar, 2011

Alice straightens up, having been in the process of patting the stricken scientist on the back ineffectually, and stares blankly at the approaching monstrosity. Her gaze turns to the device, which is still smoking, and she gingerly picks it up, holding it out in front of her like a bomb. She turns back to the golem, which has now reached the size of a small building, and is currently making the noise equivalent to that of five factories.
Tossing the device up and down in her hand, it still being quite hot, she makes to throw it at the enemy, but is stopped by the scientist, who is making a series of aggrieved noises. He flails his arms about, having seemingly lost the power of speech, his glasses askew.

After several long, drawn-out seconds, in which Alice engages in a lively tug of war between her and him, she makes good on her earlier attempt, and soon the device is flying through the air at about the speed it fell from the roof.
It strikes the golem on the head, or rather on its uppermost protuberance, and bounces off with a metallic clang.
By an interesting stroke of luck, it does not, as one would imagine, fall back to the ground. Rather, it ends up disappearing down one of the golem's many funnels, the sound of metal hitting metal loud at first, then slowly fading.

A few moments pass, in which the overgrown automaton seems to be contemplating its fate, or perhaps just pausing to emit a large amount of steam from another of its funnels. A funnel which is soon flying into the air, along with most of the rest of it, including, somewhat confusingly, a rusty bicycle.
The explosion rattles the few nearby windows that still have glass remaining, and causes the scientist to be blown backwards into a nearby wall with a squeal.
Alice also ends up on the ground, although she manages not to be crushed by a rouge bit of scrap metal.

Very quickly, the golem is reduced to a flaming pile of debris, the embers flying up into the starry sky. A tyre bounces past the gunman. Silence echoes in the street.
The scientist is wearing an expression resembling that of someone who has recently sat upon a hedgehog.
All is well in the world. Or the city, at least, Alice thinks. The noise of the blast seems to have given the remaining automatons second thoughts, as the sound of their rampage is no more.
She sidles up to Radek, having picked herself from the cobbles, and enquires as to whether he might have any marshmallows on him.
This message was last edited on 25 Mar 2011.

Posted by Radek, 8:46pm, 26 Mar, 2011

Radek gingerly extends his hand to hers, glad to see Alice all right after the confusion of mere minute ago - minutes in which time seemed to slow to a crawl as Alice singlehandedly dispatched the golem. For a minute, Radek stops and feels a moment of compassion for the unlucky scientist... But only for a moment. With his other hand buried deep in his pockets, he fishes around past cartons of jellied candies, a book on overcoming shyness (with extreme action!), and what feels like a rusty letter opener... Aha!

Pulling a carton of slightly scrunched marshmallows of different color and shape from his pocket, the gunman presents them to Alice with all the pomp and ceremony of one presenting a gold medal, complete with a drop to one knee. "Certainly, Von Brandt!... They might taste a bit of lint and charcoal if we roast them over these bits of scrap metal - are you all right? You dispatched that golem in a way that only you could, so i figured you were fine... Really terrific, by the way. Bwahaha, wonder how many people heard all of this!"

Cackling to himself as if the chaos they've caused this evening is remarkably funny, Radek continues to ignore the forlorn mad scientist - who is now kicking one of the pieces of rebar is if it will reanimate of it's own will, some small measure of recollecting the huge amount of time and energy thrown into his experiments in Golem Science - and rises to his feet. "Anyway, m'lady- since we've got marshmallows and a nice fire, what do you say to a late night picnic? The weather is nice, and a spring picnic is the perfect thing to boost the spirits!"


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